How Christians Can Love the LGBTQ Community
Before I begin my article, I want to point out that I was not fully confident that I wanted to publish this. This is a heavy and influential topic in most people’s everyday lives. Even though I have had and still continue to have friends involved in the LGBTQ community, it is still an awkward topic to talk about especially with opposing views. I appreciate and love my friends who are lesbian, gay, bi, and so forth, because I know their hearts. Outside of my friend group, I still come in contact with those who are also transgender and queer. Even without being a part of this community myself, I find it still affects my life. Both parties have an impact, whether for good or bad, in each other’s lives. We all co-exist.
Of course, when it comes to the topic, I think most Christians aren’t aware of how to approach this without some form of backlash. While we want to follow God's way for marriage and dating, we might not be portrayed as the kindest to those who believe the opposite. We as Christians might give the wrong impression of what love is, based on how we disagree with the LGBTQ lifestyle–intentional and unintentional alike.
“DESPITE FEELING UNDER-EQUIPPED TO TYPE THIS ARTICLE, I FELT THE NEED TO SHARE WITH OTHERS WHY AND HOW WE SHOULD LOVE THOSE WHO DIFFER FROM US. ”
— BRENNA COVELENS
Even when this idea came to mind, I had no idea how to approach it. I sought insight where I could: in the Bible, books, and podcasts. Despite feeling under-equipped to type this article, I felt the need to share with others why and how we should love those who differ from us.
Please understand that this article will likely be viewed in multiple ways depending on the reader.You may agree with me. You may take offense to some of the things I say. My intended audience for this article are those in the Christian community struggling to love due to their beliefs and disagreement. This is an article on how to respect others while still seeking God’s truth and His way of living. This is in no means meant to judge or persecute, but to convict if need be.
Despite this being a controversial topic, I think the Christian community has room to grow when it comes to loving people better with whom they disagree. That includes whether or not we agree with another person’s lifestyle, experiences, choices, and habits. We are commanded to love (John 13:34). If we aren’t sure how to do so, the Bible is a great tool for teaching us how to love and respond to others. In this article are tips on how to do just that.
Lastly, I also want to say that all people, Christians and non-Christians alike, are sinners. There is not one good person. Jackie Hill Perry sums this perfectly in her book Gay Girl Good God with, “Even if many Christians cannot understand the specific struggle of SSA (Same Sex Attraction), all Christians can understand the general struggle of sin (Pg. 158).” Please know that there are no good people in God’s eyes, whether they’re a Christian, LGBTQ individual, or even both. Like the Scriptures say, “Not one is righteous- not even one (Romans 3:10).” Both parties know sin, because none of us are God. I think this is an important thing to remember, and I hope you’ll read this article with a humbled heart. With that being said, let’s get to reading!
WE ARE COMMANDED TO LOVE
WE ARE COMMANDED TO LOVE
WE ARE COMMANDED TO LOVE
WE ARE COMMANDED TO LOVE
WE ARE COMMANDED TO LOVE
As the Scriptures say in 1 John 4:8, "Anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love." While reading this sentence I want to point out two main things. One: If we know God then we must love in a God-like way. If we do not love others, does God's love truly dwell in us? Granted, we are nothing close to God’s level of righteousness and perfection, yet we should imitate Him in every way we can.
Two: The part of this sentence that might bring somewhat disagreement is that God is love. Many think that true love agrees with another person’s point of view on life. “Love is love,” is the slogan we see stamped and reposted everywhere. If we are not an ally, we might be considered one’s enemy. So who's in the right here?
Here are things we need to remember:
1. GOD MADE PEOPLE.
Genesis 1:27 says, “So God created human beings in His own image. In the image of God, He created them.”
Just like you and I are fearfully and wonderfully made, so is the LGBTQ individual. The Scripture from Genesis 1 goes on to say that we were also created as male and female. I know Christians like to point to this line regarding how same-sex relationships aren’t right, yet I want to point out the main message of this. God made each person here on earth like Himself, and if we honor God, we must honor and show respect to other people.
Upon entering the book of Matthew 22:37-39, we see that the first command is to love God with all our heart, soul, and mind. The second greatest command that follows the first is to love your neighbor as yourself. If we see how important it is to love people second from God, we must know that the Lord really wants us to be loving people. Note that He never said who we could and couldn’t pick to love. If He is not partial with love or favoritism, then we shouldn’t be either.
I know it might be hard to love those who don’t stand for what God told us to stand for, but the people of this earth are not our enemies. They’re our neighbors and God’s most influential creation. We are His greatest form of expression, because He made us with His own breath (Genesis 2:7).
Psalm 139:17, “How precious are Your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered.”
“NOTE THAT HE NEVER SAID WHO WE COULD AND COULDN’T PICK TO LOVE. IF HE IS NOT PARTIAL WITH LOVE OR FAVORITISM, THEN WE SHOULDN’T BE EITHER.”
— BRENNA COVELENS
2. GOD IS THE SAVIOR; WE ARE THE MESSENGERS OF THIS SALVATION.
Ephesians 2:8-9 says, “God saved you by His grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it.”
Though it is good to work towards that salvation after being saved by God’s grace, we cannot give salvation to any other individual. If we were walking salvation for ourselves, we’d have no need for God. So who’s to say we could be the saviors for someone else? Our job is to not save people; it is to lead them to the truth so they can decide for themselves if they want to choose or reject God.
With the savior issue worked on, let me confirm that being a messenger can feel like a daunting role. Maybe we feel belittled, ignored, or even bashful. As seen in the Bible, being the messenger and speaker of this salvation is an important role. An example I love of a true messenger was John the Baptist. He would share the Way with others, foretelling of a greater gift than the world could imagine. Though he baptized people and spoke truth to them, he was merely a messenger. Though he was not the light, the one true light was coming into the world (1 John: 6-9).
John was such an important messenger that even enemies noticed his influence among the land. What they feared more than this man was the message he spoke. Like John spoke boldly and lovingly, so should we. If we are able to speak the Lord’s salvation confidently, let us continue to do so! If you haven’t yet, go for it!
It says in John 13:16, “I tell you the truth, slaves are not greater than their master. Nor is the messenger more important than the one who sends the message.”
3. GOD CALLS US TO BE KIND.
Ephesians 4:31 says “Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior.”
In no situation should we utter derogatory words about someone. Under any circumstances, such words should never ever be used. This includes a mutter under our breath, out loud to the person, or behind the person’s back. God calls us to love all people and that includes not judging or calling anyone rude names.
Not only are these words considered unkind, they’re also considered bullying. The statistics of discrimination, abuse, and bullying of the LGBTQ community is higher compared to those who are straight. Even suicide rates are higher. If you want to see more statistics and facts related to this topic, you can go to www.thetrevorproject.org. On the Trevor Project’s website under the “Explore Topics” tab are statistics that concern me as they should concern you. Here are three that stood out to me:
“Suicide is the second leading cause of death in ages ten to twenty-four.”
“LGBTQ youth are more than four times as likely to attempt suicide more than peers.”
“Lesbian, gay, and bi young adults who report high levels of parental rejection are eight times more likely to report attempting suicide and six times more likely to report high levels of depression.”
Each category is affected from the child to the adult. I’m sure you could ask any LGBTQ individual if they’ve been shut out, bullied, isolated, ignored, neglected, and judged, and so on. I want to note that people want to harm themselves based on the lies that other people tell them.
If you were told your life was unimportant growing up, wouldn’t you be more keen to believe it? If you were told you were ugly and fat growing up, wouldn’t you be more prone to believe it? If you were told that no one loved you growing up, wouldn’t you be fooled to believe it? What people say to the LGBTQ individual can literally affect their life to the point of low self-esteem, high levels of anxiety, lack of motivation, and suicide.
Like the saying goes, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say it at all.”
Titus 3:2 ends with the command to “be gentle and show true humility to everyone.”
4. GOD TELLS US TO WATCH HOW WE RESPOND.
Proverbs 15:1 says, “A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.”
The actual definition of “respond” is “to say something in return” (Merriam Webster’s Dictionary & Thesaurus).
Number three coordinates with this next one point I’m making, yet it’s mostly on how we should respond in a situation we don’t know how to engage positively in return. I’m talking about the situation you didn’t see coming.
How could my best friend tell me that she’s gay?!
How can my son be engaged to a man his father and I have never heard about?!
How can I accept that my family member divorced her husband for a new wife?!
My daughter wants to become a boy? What did I do wrong?!
Why does my son have any attraction towards the boys in his school?!
Yeah, the situation could be any of those examples, but it might just be a confession that your friend or child is attracted to the same sex. While we can disagree with same-sex relationships, we should never respond in anger or in our own justification. A lot about who we are is shown by how we respond. If we respond immediately with bitter and angry reactions, are our hearts really coming from the right place? Have we truly responded in a blameless way? What we say is determined by what the heart is full of. Jesus says this in Matthew 12:34. While in our heightened emotional state, we can often think before speaking. This could damage our relationship with this person.
“IF WE GET ANGRY AT SOMEONE FOR REVEALING THEIR FEELINGS TO US, THE POSSIBILITY THAT THEY’LL COME TO US AGAIN IS UNLIKELY. WE HAVE TO RESPOND WITH A GENTLE ANSWER. WE CANNOT TURN TO RAGE AND RUN TO JUDGMENT. WE SHOULD RESPOND IN LOVE.”
— BRENNA COVELENS
Also, if we get angry at someone for revealing their feelings to us, the possibility that they’ll come to us again is unlikely. You see, stepping out to declare their secret confession is a bold move on the LGBTQ individual’s part, whether you agree with the confession or not. Yet, we have to respond with a gentle answer. We cannot turn to rage and run to judgment. We should respond in love.
As 1 Corinthians 16:14 says, “And do everything with love.”
5. GOD CALLS US TO LOOK FOR THE GOOD IN OTHERS.
Proverbs 11:27 says, “Anyone can find the dirt in someone. Be the one to find the gold.”
If anyone had a knack for finding the good in people, it was Jesus. A good example in this was His twelve disciples. He didn’t ask them what they did and didn’t believe in, what their past and current sins were, nor if they were straight or not. He just invited them into His inner circle by saying to follow Him.
Jesus even knew who would betray Him, yet He still chose the person. He still knew these men would continue to sin. Yet, He loved these flawed and sinful men based on His love for them. He loved everyone He came in contact with from the Samaritan woman to the blind man. Jesus found the gold in each disciple He invited. He showed compassion and mercy. Overall, He wanted to be a friend to the men who followed Him.
The disciple Peter is a good example for hurting Jesus. Before Jesus was crucified, He warned Peter that he would deny Him three times. Peter did as predicted. You’d think that a man who sinned three times-and definitely more- would’ve been shunned by Jesus. Yet, Jesus didn’t throw Peter away.
After Jesus departed from Peter and the other disciples to be with the Father in heaven, Peter became a great missionary. He traveled around to speak of the gospel which had changed his life. He helped heal others through Jesus’ name. The man known for denying Jesus three times became a godly man in pursuit for the Lord. The point that I’m trying to make through this story is to remind you that Peter had gold in him that Jesus saw, before and after Peter’s sin.
We can find the gold in anyone if we demonstrate Jesus’ love for people.
6. GOD TELLS US TO BE QUICK TO LISTEN.
Romans 15:1 says, “We who are strong must be considerate of those who are sensitive about things like this. We must not just please ourselves.”
The actual definition of to listen means “to pay attention” or to “give consideration” (Merriam Webster’s Dictionary & Thesaurus). Number four and number six differ from each other. While reacting with a response to anything is easy, taming the mouth is tricky.
When we respond or react to something, we often let our words get ahead of us, which can be irrational and/or ineffective for the situation at hand. Speaking and listening are two separate sides of the spectrum. If your lips are moving and words are forming, then you’re not doing this listening step correctly.
Listening to someone else speak is step one. Step two would be responding. Step three would be responding with kindness. Number three talked about bullying, the use of derogatory terms, and the things that people say to the LGBTQ individual to literally affect their life of major consequences. What if we’re not mean with this person yet we’re still reeling over what they’re doing and the choices they’re making?
When it comes to listening, we have to have a receiving heart. A receiving heart is a humbled heart. If you are able to be rational, use your ears more than your voice, ask questions, then you’re a step closer to not being part of the problem. Listed below are some questions you can ask:
When did you start feeling this way?
At what age did you notice your attraction towards the same sex?
Why do you want to transition to the opposite sex?
What can I do to understand you better?
Is there something people often misinterpret you for?
What can I do to love you while respecting my own beliefs?
Overall, seeking to understand someone’s why is an important aspect of listening. We should not be quick with our why not.
It also says in Proverbs 18:2, “A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.”
7. GOD CALLS US TO INVITE AND INCLUDE.
Hebrews 13:2 says, “Don’t forget to show hospitality to strangers, for some who have done this have entertained angels without realizing it.”
As I said in the introduction of this article, the Christian community might not be portrayed the kindest to those who believe the opposite. We as Christians might disagree with the LGBTQ lifestyle. So how does this affect the church? I think that if someone part of the LGBTQ community wanted to attend church that we should invite and include them.
This should be done out of wanting them to know Jesus and have a relationship with Him, NOT to turn them straight. As Jackie Hill Perry summed up in her book Gay Girl Good God, “God isn’t calling gay people to be straight. You’d think He was listening to the ways Christians try to encourage same-sex-attracted people within, or outside, their local churches. They dangle the possibility of heterosexual marriage above their heads, point to it like it’s heaven on a string, something to grab and get whole with. And though it’s usually well-meaning, it’s very dangerous. Why? Because it puts more emphasis on marriage as the goal of the Christian life more than knowing Jesus.”
GOD ISN’T CALLING GAY PEOPLE TO BE STRAIGHT.
GOD ISN’T CALLING GAY PEOPLE TO BE STRAIGHT.
GOD ISN’T CALLING GAY PEOPLE TO BE STRAIGHT.
GOD ISN’T CALLING GAY PEOPLE TO BE STRAIGHT.
Maybe this is why many people turn from the church (LGBTQ or not), because they feel they’re only there to be encouraged to be opposite of how they know to be. Going to church should form a safe, God-seeking community. We go there to learn the Bible. We go there to build our relationship with the Lord. It is not to appease others or put on a front.
We shouldn’t bring others to church to have an ulterior motive. As said before in the second point, salvation is found in God, not ourselves. We may not always understand what God is doing in others, but we can invite. When Jesus said, “Follow me,” His men had the free will to choose to accept or reject the offer. Yet, they chose to follow because they wanted to know Jesus personally themselves, not because the other guy told them to.
Secondly, if we invite and include someone it should be because we want them to be part of our group. If they don’t want to dive into the church scene, that is okay. You don’t have to invite them to an actual church building with pews and stain-glass windows. You could invite this person or people to a coffee shop, bowling night, an escape room, or wherever an individual can feel comfortable. Whatever you like to do with friends, invite that person who is part of the LGBTQ community. If we are the church, we can go anywhere, including everyone.
Galatians 6:3: “If you think you are too important to help someone, you are only fooling yourself. You are not that important.”
8. GOD CALLS US TO WITNESS TO OTHERS.
1 Peter 2:9 says, “. . . for you are a chosen people. You are royal priests, a holy nation, and God’s very own possession. As a result, you can show others the goodness of God, for He called you out of darkness into His wonderful light.”
What does it mean to witness? It’s proclaiming and sharing the gospel of Jesus with anyone and everyone. What I witness can be telling others who Jesus is to me and who He is without my opinion. It takes boldness and courage to go forth to people and share what they may choose to reject. Not all people know that this amazing Savior and God exists until we talk about Him.
A good example of witnessing to someone can be found in Acts 8:26-40. To summarize, a man named Philip is told by the Holy Spirit to go south on the road that runs from Jerusalem to Gaza. There, Philip met a treasurer of Ethiopia, a eunuch who had great power and authority. He was seated in his carriage when the Holy Spirit instructed Philip to say hello. Philip noticed that the man was reading from the prophet of Isaiah, so he asked the man if he knew what he was reading. The man replied in verse 31, “How can I unless someone instructs me?” With a receiving heart, the man insisted that Philip help him understand. If we know what the Word says, we have the authority to teach it, especially if the Holy Spirit urges us to witness and minister to someone else.
Our witnessing can be done through in-person chats, online content such as social media platforms, newspapers, recorded video, books, etc. The word of God is endless with its resources!
Regardless, we should be bold and courageous to share the gospel. With that being said, we cannot blame someone for not knowing what they were never informed about. Don't be surprised if no one knows what you're talking about. There's a lot more in this world that tries to catch our attention.
9. GOD CALLS US TO HELP AND SERVE OTHERS.
1 John 3:17 says, “If anyone has the world’s goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God’s love abide in him?”
First things first, we are servants, not bystanders. We are not called to watch, we are called to reach out and help those who are struggling.
How can we help those who are struggling? Incorporating what we’ve previously gone over, we can give our time. We can make ourselves available to those who are struggling. We can also learn from their perspective and stories what they’ve gone through so we know what to give. Just asking questions can have the greatest impact on someone.
Now, if you’d like to help even more, I’d suggest donating to organizations that help shelter, feed, and clothe those who are in need, weak, and burdened. Certain privileges and opportunities might’ve been stripped away when this individual came out as lesbian, gay, bi-sexual, trans, or queer. They might have no home, safe place, or support systems.
If you’re unsure where to look, you could always google places in your area that support those who are in the LGBTQ community. It can be a non-profit organization in your town, a local shelter, a school program, or even a club that brings people together. The options to help are limitless. Word of mouth is also the best means of finding things out.
As it says in 1 Peter 4:10-11, “God has given each of you a gift from His great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another. Do you have the gift of speaking? Then speak as though God were speaking through you. Do you have the gift of helping others? Do it with all the strength and energy that God supplies. Then everything you do will bring glory to God through Jesus Christ.”
10. GOD CALLS US TO KNOW OUR OWN SIN.
John 3:30 says, “He must become greater and greater, and I must become less and less.”
If I told you that every born again sinner would be in Heaven with Jesus, would you be surprised? I can tell you one thing’s for sure: You’re going to encounter people in heaven as your brothers and sisters who you never would’ve expected to see. Why? Because we’re all sinners, and none of us are deserving of the blessing God has given us through His Son.
As I end this article, I want to remind both you, reader, and myself that we are not spotless human beings. We are sinful. We are flawed. We are not perfect the way we are, yet we are chosen because of Whose image we are made to reflect.
We must know that each of us is born into sin. As Jackie Hill Perry said in her book, “There is more than one sin in you that needs to be overcome, not just your sexuality. Being a Christian delivered me from the power of sin but in no way did it remove the possibility of temptation.” Each Christian will suffer their trials and temptations. It’s a guarantee in this life; we will face many troubles. No one is exempt from it.
For my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ reading this article, please know that your impression on this world matters. As said in 1 Corinthians 13:1, we are only clanging cymbals if we do not have love. Basically, we cannot be all words with no action. Love isn't just a sweet word, it's a verb to act on. It’s a goal to achieve every single day.
Like the verse says in 1 Corinthians 14:1, “Let love be your highest goal.”
Are you with me?!
Consider taking the free 5 day ‘Love Better Challenge’
QUESTIONS FOR READER:
Are there any ways I can better love LGBTQs while I may not agree with their views?
Are there any resource centers in my local library or community that I can learn more about the LGBTQ community?
Are there any misconceptions/lies about the LGBTQ individual/community I have/believe?
What are some ways I can witness to others about the love of Jesus?
How can I make someone who’s part of the LGBTQ community feel more welcomed in my church?
As Jackie Hill Perry said in her book Gay Girl Good God, “Let’s just say homosexuality wasn’t even an issue for you. Would God still be pleased with your life as a whole?” (Pg. 180)
RESOURCES:
Former lesbian, now speaker and author, Jackie Hill Perry shares her lifestyle and faith before fully devoting herself to the Lord.
Rach talks to a man named Sean. In their three-part episodes, we learn about Sean’s testimony relating to homosexuality. Despite loving God and not choosing to engage in that lifestyle anymore with men, he still struggles with SSA (same-sex attraction).
Christian-Sexuality.com: has resources and courses for Christians who better want to understand God’s design for sex, sexuality, and relationships regarding the topics of same-sex sexuality, identities, and so on.
WRITTEN BY:
BRENNA COVELENS